Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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