i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
