this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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