Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
