I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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