STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
