I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
