I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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