on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
