Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
