i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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