Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
