i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize