Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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