is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
