im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
