do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just tell him i said nine months
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize