My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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