I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
