chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need a beard to bite.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
