Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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