Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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