We need to rekindle our bromance
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Bring me that man meat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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