from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
