i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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