Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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