I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
