So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Acid is not a monday night drug
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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