it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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