you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
