She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
