is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
