and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
