I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
vagina is talking i cant
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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