we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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