Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
