Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
