Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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