dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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