Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
3 2 1 whiskey
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
