Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
