i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
