Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't think brook has ever known best
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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