Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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