We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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