My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize