Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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