I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
