Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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