Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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