Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize