yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
