I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize