ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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