Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
