im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
