So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
