Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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