I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
