i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
