Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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