oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
