Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
