it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
