So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
