Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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