You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
