omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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