Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
