Can i not drive my cunt home
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fuck appropriateness.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize