what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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