doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
