That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
