If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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