so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
