Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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