Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
