I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
