he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize