She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
