I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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