I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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