Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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