i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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