I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
