I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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