Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
