JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
