I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
