I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize