So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You can't motorboat a personality
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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