I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
