Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
