My nipple is on Facebook.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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