Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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