It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
