My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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