and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Shame - the story of my life.
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