shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
