Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
