I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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