it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize