i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
