Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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