My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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