I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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