so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
